A Toast to 2013

A toast to 2013

Say goodbye to 2012

We begin life 

As if we were starting from the beginning

We start over.

and

Forget where we left off.

When we look in the mirror 

There is a new person 

Staring back

2013 we start with a new sense of life

We plan on what's going to change.

We are going to meet new people

Party new ways

Drink new vodka

Sing new songs

Never look back at what 2012 didn't give you

Lets say goodbye to 2012

Say goodbye to the people

who call you

"fucked up"

say goodbye

to the people 

who didn't give you the time of day

say goodbye

to the closure you never got

say goodbye 

to anything and everything that had you over think.

We welcome the new year,

with the hope of opportunity,

the hope that we end everyday with a smile,

with a friend

with hope for a greater tomorrow.

So here's to you,

2013

No more bullshit

No more obstacles

No more regretting 

No more hurt

No more hiding

No more pain

No more 2012

The Nice Guy Finishes Last

It is a saying that goes back who knows how long! 

The nice guy finishes last. 

Why is that? I happen to be that nice guy/gal. It's something that I do not understand. 

I am that person that will constantly think of the well being of others. Wanting and making sure that everyone is happy and no one is having a bad day.

What do I get in return.... 

Nothing...

Of course I have select friends that treat me awesomely and are like family to me, but why can't I only care about them? 

Why do I have to care about the people that don't care about me? 

My mind works in a way that I want people to be happy, I want people to know that I am there for them no matter what. 

Here is an example.. 

You left your phone out while we are working together and someone steals it. Somewhere in my mind I will figure out a way to make it my fault, and then I will try to figure out a way to find that person a new phone or buy one myself. 

DOES THAT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE TO ANYONE?!!!!!

A normal person would be like HA! that's what you get for leaving your phone out, but no I have to some how make it my fault. 

Some people think that this problem I have you can just tell your brain to shut it off and not feel like that anymore. 

YOU DON'T THINK THAT I HAVE FUCKING TRIED THAT?!!!

I carry this empathy around with me where I constantly worry about the other person, even if I hardly know that person. If I feel that way about people that I do not know can you imagine how I feel about the people I care about! 

It's hard to say it, 

I don't want to care anymore.

It takes up so much time and leaves me with so much heartache, makes me feel like its all a waste of time and a waste of space. I could worry about other things like MYSELF once in a while. But, as I am typing this, I know its not gonna happen. 

So hear me out... 

If you have someone in your life that really cares about you and goes out of there way to make sure that you are doing well, and that you are happy with the situation you are going through, making sure that you always have a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to, text/call/talk to them ask them how they are doing, show them that you care too. If you don't care about them and want them gone.  Be BLUNT and just let them know that so that they can move on with there lives and move past the bullshit you put them through everyday. 

This is a public service announcement!

21st Century Election

It's that time again... Election time... Now with all the hype in between Obama and Romney I am not writing this to take sides. I, in all honesty, am not on either side of this election. Though I am writing this to talk about how the nominees need to evolve to get a vote.

First, let me start off by saying that we are in a decade that is over run by technology. Some of this technology didn't exist ten years ago. We have values and ideas now that didn't take place ten years ago. It's not just about the technology with this century but the ideas of this century. Let's not return to the dark ages and start putting bans on human rights.  For an instant gay marriage. Not to long ago it was illegal for whites and blacks to marry. What's the difference? You are repeating history by stating that its an abomination to have these people marry. What's the underlining reasoning for gays not to get married? Because the Bible is against it? What ever happened to separation of Church and state?

The whole talk of wanting to ban birth control and get rid of an institution such as Planned Parenthood is totally, in my eyes, against everything that this country was built upon. Just because a group of people do not agree with something that does not mean that we should get rid of it. Does that make any type of sense to you? I don't agree with Larkburger's prices for the food they serve, but I don't think that we should shut them down. You cannot put a ban on basic human rights. If you want to ban birth control for women, then you can explain the rate of population as that grows and the payment that is going to come along with it. If women and young adults had more education on birth control and the necessary tools to get rid of it we wouldn't need to be having the abortion conversation. Or shows like 16 and Pregnant (do not get me started on that). You want to get rid of birth control and abortion? Tell me how that's going to work?

This country was built on ideas and living for the future of the people for the people.  So evolve with the times don't live on these past ideas of control.  

Because with control come chaos. 

In America we pride ourselves on the fact of our freedom, what we have done to get it and what it stands for. Then why talk about getting rid of basic freedoms for all human rights, and ideas. That goes for Gay Marriage, Legalization Of Marijuana, Healthcare Reform, Dry County's, Taxation without Representation, Ban On Birth Control, Ban on Tobacco.  

If you go back in history and review all the things that caused chaos you would be surprised.
Slavery=Chaos=Civil War=Civil Rights Movement 
Tea Tax=Chaos=Boston Tea Party
Starting the Master Race(Hitler)=Chaos=World War II
Prohibition=Chaos=Moonshiners
Over Taxing the 99%=Chaos=Occupy Wall Street Protests

What's going to happen next?
Ban on Birth Control=Chaos=?
Gay Marriage Illegal=Chaos=?
Ban On Internet Use=Chaos=?
Ban on Healthcare=Chaos=?

In all the history classes i have taken my entire life we are told "If you don't know your history you are bound to repeat it." 

If you do not evolve with the times you are not going to get any sort of vote of mine.

Me, Lil Jon & The Eastside Boys

Running

Eyes Closed

Headphones In

Alone

The Music Starts

&

I Am In The Club

Just Me and The Boys

Some People Talking Bad

But my Boys Know What's Up

When You Confront Them,

They Don't Do Nothing.

They Are All Talk And No Show

Now,

Back in The Club,

See a Fine Woman 

She's Dancing Over There,

She's Hot, 

&

 We Have Been Drinking a Little Bit

She Moves From The Window and To The Wall

We Dance Together, 

Feeling The Music

Grindin'

The Club is Too Hot 

Sweat Dripping Down My Trousers

I Open My Eyes 

My Time Is Up 

My Hour Has Passed

Next Time Boys

I Will Be With My Eastside Crew

Next Time!

50 Shades Of Bullshit.

I was going to sit down and write a blog about the turn-over rate of the work force, but as I was flipping through the HBO channels I had another idea.  Why not write about Hollywood and how the mess up our minds emotionally and romantically?

Life doesn't happen like a movie, you don't go through an issue with something that was heart breaking and life changing, then out of the blue someone comes out of no where and changes everything. No no no.  That's not life, that's Hollywood trying to tell you that everything is going to be okay. This isn't true!!! Hollywood doesn't write about your Fiancee of 5 years cheating on you, sends pictures of naked girls, and naked pictures of himself to others, and then try to guilt you in to making it sound like everything is okay. Where is the happy ending to that?! That now I am sitting in an apartment I cannot afford, going to a job that isn't worth my time for what I get paid for, falling asleep by myself for the first time in 5 years! Hollywood doesn't write a story about that, because its too real. It's too real and people will figure out that life isn't any better that what is thrown at you. 

Even in books!!!! 50 Shades of Grey for example. A story of a sadist ass-hole who changes his whole life because for the first time a women says no to him. What is that supposed to put in our minds? Oh I know, that women are able to change men. No!! If you are getting into a relationship to change someone you are in it for all the wrong reasons!! . 

In all honestly, never fall in love with someone. Just love them. Because if you just love them you won't have the same heart break as if you fall in love with them. 

Don't watch Hollywood movies to make your love life better. It will only tell show you things that are going to make you either act like a psycho or a hopeless romantic.. That makes it easy for someone to step on you, and make you feel low. 

You find a guy, and you keep him. Don't try to change him, don't try to control him, just let him know that you are always going to be there for him no matter what! That you are going to be next to that person, when they are upset, going through a difficult situation, or just when they need someone to forget the world with. Not every girl gets that. 

Now, because my fiancee was such a dick to cheat and make me feel so insecure about myself, I cannot look at a guy without first imagining him breaking my heart before it even happens. Now write about that Hollywood!

Life As I Know It The Rap Song

Driving home from work, listening to the radio.  I realized that all rap music is crap now... To illustrate I will write my own rap song, in there style. 

Life As I Know it

Fall off the Mattress, 7am.

Stumble to the bathroom, Charmin.

Getting Ready For Work, Lands' End.

Driving Down the Highway, 60mph.

Talking With Customers, Making That Minimum Wage.

IPhone 4, Messaging the Gang. 

Making Plans, Setting Dates. 

Pikachu Costumes, SuperHero Fates.

Getting Home, Being All Alone.

Dog Park Walks, 50 Shades Of Freedom.

Get That Cardio, Run That Rage.

Fall on To Bed, It's A Cold Place to Be.

Once Again No Sleep For Me. 

Pop that Pill, Ambien

Wake up tomorrow, Do it all again.

Yes, I know this was horrible, but so is all recent rap music. Not making any valid points and saying random words. 

Damn you Drake.

The Lesson Of Instant Karma

I have always been a believer in karma.

 You give good, you receive good.

 You give bad, you receive bad.

When I was in the third grade I began the "fibbing" stage. (Definition Fib: A fib is the innocent version of a lie, usually told by small children whose lies are not large.) Everyone took a part in these, "Yes Mom my homework is finished, yes I cleaned my room." Innocent little lies. Remember the lies you used to say to get out of school? I don't know why when I decided to "fib" I couldn't do it like a normal kid. It always had to be something different and off the wall. I don't know why on this day I couldn't just tell my mom I didn't feel well.  No. I had to say, "Mom, I can't walk." 


I woke up that Friday morning knowing that I did not want to go to school. I just wanted to be home.  I got this wonderful idea that I will just tell my Mother that I couldn't walk.  I was so good at this I crawled out of bed, drug myself to the edge of the stairs and hollered for my Mom.  Told her my legs hurt and that I couldn't bring myself to stand up.  Mom looked at me funny but the manipulation in my face convinced her otherwise and told me it was okay for me to stay home. 


This took place so long ago I do not remember much of what I did that day, but crawl around from the t.v room to the bathroom.  I remember thinking to myself that this was such a boring day and all I wanted to do was get up and walk.  Knowing that I had just lied to my Mother to stay home for the day, I knew that I couldn't do that without getting into trouble.  Pop! A great idea comes into my mind, "I will go out to the garage "to get a soda" I will shut the door behind me and walk around a few times Mom will never know!"


Well, I don't know about your Mom but my Mom is too smart! She noticed that I went into the garage on my hands and knees. She probably thought to herself, "why is my daughter, who can't walk, going to crawl on her hands and knees in a dirty garage to grab a soda when I could have gotten it for her?"  So, she followed me into the garage. Low and behold she finds me walking just fine in the garage. 


Let me just say... I was caught red handed walking in the garage. I don't remember if anything was said at this time but I imagine that I was caught I didn't even try to dig my hole deeper by telling her another "fib". I got my punishment of course and was grounded. 


You think that Karma only goes after adults and older people, but no, Karma treats everyone the same, no matter what age.


Well, this lazy third grader who just wanted a 3-day weekend got her Karma.


Saturday morning rolls around and I crawl out of bed. I have absolutely no feeling in my legs. I fall right to the ground. I crawl out of my room and to the edge of the stairs calling for my Mom trying to tell her that I can't walk. First and foremost can you blame my Mom for not believing me! Not even 24 hours before this she caught me in a white lie saying that I could not walk.  She didn't believe me and tried to get me to stand all day.  I believe she thought that this was my way of getting out of my white lie.  Well, I wasn't lying this time. 


That night the family and I went to Country Buffet. My Mom still didn't believe me to the point where she made me go to Country Buffet leaning on my Dad the entire time.  It wasn't until that I had to use the restroom and crawled on my hands and knees. (Yes it is the most disgusting thing is this planet to have to crawl around on your hands and knees in a Country Buffet restroom.)  I was mortified that I had to do that and she still didn't believe me. 


Once we got home I sat at the top of our stairs crying just asking my mom to believe me that I couldn't walk and this time it was really happening to me. It wasn't until my Mother changed me into my pajamas that she noticed that I had large purple dots all over my legs. 

It was at that time I was taken seriously.

That night I was diagnosed with HSP Henoch-Schonlein purpura. 


(Henoch-Schonlein purpura is caused by an abnormal response of the immune system. It is unclear why this occurs. The syndrome is usually seen in children, but it may affect people of any age. It is more common in boys than in girls. Many people with Henoch-Schonlein purpura had an upper respiratory illness in the weeks before.)


Sadly, my Mom does feel horrible to this day that she didn't believe me and who knows what would have happened if I didn't go to the emergency room that night. 


Honestly, who could blame her for not believing me. 

Instant Karma

A Grandmothers Surprise

My Grandparents (on my Dad's side) used to live in Arizona and would come out to visit there Grandchildren, like Grandparents do.  This though is a time that I wish I would be able to forget, but because I do not think even the best of psychotherapists could erase this from my now tormented mind. 

Well as you know, Grandparents are old, and I don't know about yours but mine seemed to of had to take pills at every hour of the day. After my Grandparents had arrived my Dad made sure that there suitcases were set in the guest room, because they are old and only the cruelest type of people would want to see old people carry suitcases up two flights of stairs.  My Grandmother had brilliantly forgot to take her medicine, of course she mentions this after she watches my Dad take the bags upstairs.  I remember her yelling loudly at my Grandfather, who purposely turned down his hearing-aid (like any other day) and proceded to watch my Grandmother scream at him. "HERBERT HERBERT!"  I finally just wanted her shrill voice to stop so I said "Grandma, I will go get your pills where are they."  She starts off by saying that I am such a sweetheart and I don't have to do so. Just shut up and tell me where they are Grandma. (I was thinking that, not saying it. I am only cruel to my Grandmother in my mind.) "Open up the red suitcase and they will be in the side pocket, orange bottle with the little green pills." So like a the greatest grandchild on the planet, I head up the stairs thinking piece of cake.  Walk into the guest room, unzip the red suitcase, and a pile of clothes fall out of the suitcase.  I reach my hand into the side of the suitcase to fill around for any bottle of anything. As I am feeling around I feel the occasional clothes, shirts, a silk scarf, old people clothes, nothing out of the ordinary.  Then, I feel something cold and hard, metal like. What would Grandma have in here that would be hard and metal, a cane couldn't fit in here.  Curiosity kills the cat, and I grab hold of the metal and pull it out of the suitcase. 

I then proceed to pull out of my 84 year old Grandmothers suitcase a size 16 chain.....link.....thong.... At this point I feel like I was dreaming, I couldn't get over the fact that after 84 years of life and just about 50+ years of marriage my Grandmother is a freak!! I threw that nasty chain link thong back into the suit case as fast as I could trying to shove in underneath clothes just like I tried to bury it in my mind. Don't forget your mission Keri, you must find the medicine.  I shove my hand reluctantly back into the forbidden sex case and feel for anything that feels like a plastic bottle and not chain link, or leather, oh dear god please do not let me find leather in here! I finally find a pill bottle and grab it, peek at the bottle to what looks like little green pills. I stand up and begin my decent back down stairs to face freak-a-leak Verny.  Curiosity kills the cat for a second time when I look down to read the pill bottle. (It'll give me something to WebMD later, I thought.)  That's when I notice that the prescription I grabbed was for a Herbert, not a Verny and that bottle contained the little blue pill, Viagra.  As I come down the stairs, my Dad is walking past me going up the stairs.  I quickly hand off the bottle to him and said I can't take this anymore.  

Lesson of the Story:

1. Grandparents that do have sex lives after 50+ years of marriage should be recognized as a beautiful thing and not disgusting. (Or so my therapist says)

2. As Grandparents get older you have to remember that they are fragile, you just have to try to erase from your thoughts that your Grandmothers bruises are from innocence and not from a dominate Grandfather.

3. If there was to be a 4th book to the Fifty Shades Trilogy this one would be called Fifty Shades Of What the Fuck.

What Are You Talking About?!

Anyone who has worked in any type of customer service job knows what I am about to talk about. 

WEIRD CUSTOMERS

We don't encounter these often but when we do it is a story for decades. 


First off I will start, If you have your own personal name for an item of clothing that you wear often. Do not come into MY store and expect me to know what you are talking about.


Here I am, at work, been at work for 8 hours, working on a floorset.
Definition of Floorset (noun) When a retailer gets new merchandise, they have to change the floor to sell said merchandise. Usually takes 2-4 people based on floor size, and starts at ass-crack of dawn, takes 16-40 man hours to prepare.


I am getting prepared to finish up for the day, so it is time to put the supplies and tools away, now that we have customer traffic in the store. Here I am marching down the isle with a ladder on my shoulder. Usually, when I do so I keep my head to the ground and try not to make eye contact with any customer therefore I have the time to get my job done. 
"MISS!!! MISS!!" (Side note: I love getting screamed at.)  "Yes, ma'am can I help you with finding something." This is muttered loudly at the lady so that she cannot hear me mutter under my breathe what the fuck do you want?! 
She is looking in the department of swim, she is not looking in my department, which is why I was trying to avoid her, knowing full well that I was not going to be able to answer her question. 
"I am looking for a shoe called "Squishy"." I look at her puzzled and say "well ma'am I don't work in the shoe department so I am not sure if we carry "Squishies"."
  
Remember, when you were a kid and you had a special name for your stuffed animal. You never called it your stuffed dog, or stuffed bear, it had a name. (Mine was sparkles) If you ever lost such stuffed animal you were never able to describe it other than, it's snickers, or it's wellington, because it meant more to you than just a stuffed animal. 


The lady cuts me off while I am speaking, (Side Note #2: I love getting cut off while trying to explain something to a customer.) "I call them squishy, its not what they are called."

.....wait....

.......hold on.....

.......pause.....

You ask me if we have a certain item called squishy then procede to tell me that you made that name up yourself?! 
HOW IN THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT A SQUISHY IS IF YOU MADE THAT NAME UP YOURSELF?!!!
"They are actually not like a flip flop, but they are water shoes, well not exactly water shoes." This is the point where I blocked the lady out of my head because I just couldn't process her in my brain any longer. I ended up just pointing her in the direction of my departments water shoes and walking away. In a moment like this you have walk away and try to process everything that just happened. You begin to ask yourself questions.
"Was she serious?"
"Do I act this way when I shop?"
"Did she really expect me to know what she was talking about?"
"How many other poor souls in the retail business did she baffle with that question?" 
"What grown adult gives names to there shoes?"
Just had to sit on it for a second and try to understand what just had happened. It shouldn't bother someone as much as it did, but what I think it boils down to is the idiocy of customers these days.  They expect that when they walk into a store for the associate there to just know everything they are thinking. Then to act surprised or disgruntled when we do not.  

On a Happy Note

Randomly after this stupid ass incident I had to work at the cash register and help check out a mom. She was with her two kids buying clothes.

Now we try not to judge when working customer service but it is against human nature when you try and fight that urge.  Now, to iterate, I do not hate kids, kids are awesome, we were all kids once.  I don't have anything against kids with learning disabilities, or mental disabilities. But when I have to laugh at something I have to laugh.

After I got done checking this woman out. Her daughter then proceeds to play on the CT scanner. 

Definition CT Scanner (noun): The box that sits in front of the register where you slide your card, answer some questions and enter in your pin number. 

This little girl, looks me dead in the eye. Picks up the fake pin that is attached the the CT scanner, begins to scribble on the screen. In a dull, loud, awkward voice says to me, "I'm an adult." She proceeds to violently scribble on the CT scanner, and then begin to pretend that the card was declined. She began yelling at her imaginary husband for spending it on a sports car, and women she didn't know. 

Now remember this little girl is probably all of 7-8 years of age. 

Then here I am not sure if I should walk away from her, find her mom, or just continue to stand there with a stupid look on my face. 

I just ended up walking away from her.

As we conclude our section of weird customers we conclude with what we have learned for the day.

1. When an associate is carrying a big ladder and proceeding to look at the ground, do not, I repeat, DO NOT yell at said associate across the isle, because at that moment the good customer service you came in for is thrown out the window.

2. Feel free to make up names for your personal items, just do not expect to have people understand what the hell you are talking about.

3. The television can and does make a great baby sitter for kids when you feel like not watching them, but do not leave it on T.V shows such as Desperate Housewives, or any reality T.V show. These children will begin playing as if there life mission is to be the next star on the 25th season of Big Brother.

Hi

Oh, didn't see you there. 

Hello.

Let me introduce myself.

Names Keri,

 like the lotion,

 which I use.

I am employed in the fashion area, 

if you call the crap I sell fashion.

I am a "behind" student. 

Currently single!

I have parents, 

still together after 30 years.

An older sister was the product as well of that 30 year relationship.

I eat everything with a fork, 

still to this day have no explanation as to why.

I like to make up stories or over exaggerate to make people laugh or smile. 

Been called 

crazy,

 spaz, 

sass, 

bitch, 

un-mutter-able c-word.

Everyone says some this but,

I have the greatest friends known to the entire world. 

Okay enough introduction, 

you'll get to know me better if you just 

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