Well as you know, Grandparents are old, and I don't know about yours but mine seemed to of had to take pills at every hour of the day. After my Grandparents had arrived my Dad made sure that there suitcases were set in the guest room, because they are old and only the cruelest type of people would want to see old people carry suitcases up two flights of stairs. My Grandmother had brilliantly forgot to take her medicine, of course she mentions this after she watches my Dad take the bags upstairs. I remember her yelling loudly at my Grandfather, who purposely turned down his hearing-aid (like any other day) and proceded to watch my Grandmother scream at him. "HERBERT HERBERT!" I finally just wanted her shrill voice to stop so I said "Grandma, I will go get your pills where are they." She starts off by saying that I am such a sweetheart and I don't have to do so. Just shut up and tell me where they are Grandma. (I was thinking that, not saying it. I am only cruel to my Grandmother in my mind.) "Open up the red suitcase and they will be in the side pocket, orange bottle with the little green pills." So like a the greatest grandchild on the planet, I head up the stairs thinking piece of cake. Walk into the guest room, unzip the red suitcase, and a pile of clothes fall out of the suitcase. I reach my hand into the side of the suitcase to fill around for any bottle of anything. As I am feeling around I feel the occasional clothes, shirts, a silk scarf, old people clothes, nothing out of the ordinary. Then, I feel something cold and hard, metal like. What would Grandma have in here that would be hard and metal, a cane couldn't fit in here. Curiosity kills the cat, and I grab hold of the metal and pull it out of the suitcase.
I then proceed to pull out of my 84 year old Grandmothers suitcase a size 16 chain.....link.....thong.... At this point I feel like I was dreaming, I couldn't get over the fact that after 84 years of life and just about 50+ years of marriage my Grandmother is a freak!! I threw that nasty chain link thong back into the suit case as fast as I could trying to shove in underneath clothes just like I tried to bury it in my mind. Don't forget your mission Keri, you must find the medicine. I shove my hand reluctantly back into the forbidden sex case and feel for anything that feels like a plastic bottle and not chain link, or leather, oh dear god please do not let me find leather in here! I finally find a pill bottle and grab it, peek at the bottle to what looks like little green pills. I stand up and begin my decent back down stairs to face freak-a-leak Verny. Curiosity kills the cat for a second time when I look down to read the pill bottle. (It'll give me something to WebMD later, I thought.) That's when I notice that the prescription I grabbed was for a Herbert, not a Verny and that bottle contained the little blue pill, Viagra. As I come down the stairs, my Dad is walking past me going up the stairs. I quickly hand off the bottle to him and said I can't take this anymore.
Lesson of the Story:
1. Grandparents that do have sex lives after 50+ years of marriage should be recognized as a beautiful thing and not disgusting. (Or so my therapist says)
2. As Grandparents get older you have to remember that they are fragile, you just have to try to erase from your thoughts that your Grandmothers bruises are from innocence and not from a dominate Grandfather.
3. If there was to be a 4th book to the Fifty Shades Trilogy this one would be called Fifty Shades Of What the Fuck.
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